I, Hugh Berwick-Stanton, and the rest of the board here at Pickman Publishing, thank you for your choice of subscription to our newest and most popular publication. As our Head of Finance Josef Gelthabe assures me the healthy receipts procured over the last week were quite unprecedented. It appears that our thrilling dispatches from the furthest reaches of the Imperial frontier have found a hungry audience among the gentleman's clubs of Mayfair!
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| Sir Berwick-Stanton, Chairman of Pickman Publishing |
Jolly Good! And congratulations to the editorial team here at "The Drowned Man".
As with all our foreign correspondents working in the remote corners of the Empire, communications with the London office are slow, costly, and frequently dependent on the whims of tribal headsmen.
As a consequence it has only just come to our notice that some here on the editorial team of this esteemed publication feel overly-comfortable in discussing their domestic arrangements in what is quite clearly a Gentleman's publication.
Both myself and the board are willing to extend a certain amount of sympathy and patience considering the extraordinary stress "The Drowned Man" appears to be under, nevertheless we would like to remind him of his duties to this publication and the board and refrain from discussing his personal affairs in such a coarse and flagrant manner.
If dear readers, your enjoyment of our journal is somehow impaired by our editors conduct please contact our head office through the comments section and we will act swiftly and decisively.
With our deepest appreciation,
Sir Hugh Berwick-Stanton,
on behalf of the board at Pickman Publishing.
London.
Dear Sir Hugh,
ReplyDeleteThe Drowned Man is indeed a courageous adventurer. It is unfortunate that his wife cannot support him in his artistic or psychic endeavours. Hopefully, Pickman Publishing will provide the bracing encouragement required for him to continue these dispatches on fiction, films and computer games. I consider your subscription to be most reasonable, particularly compared to the over-priced BBC Licence Fee.
Kind regards,
A Contented Subscriber
Dear Mrs Salmon,
ReplyDeleteI thank you for your kind and generous response. I am also in full agreement about the courage and fortitude the Drowned Man has shown in such trying circumstances.
Having consulted the board, it has been decided that at this point in time (barring a drastic drop in subscriptions), we will maintain in employment our respected correspondent on full wages...payable to his beloved wife for the duration of his contract. I would, however advise Abigail ----- to contact our Finance Department post haste. Her Husbands last expense sheet contained a demand for 24 litres of morphine and a titanium monocle and we are yet to receive a receipt for either.
But anyway, be reassured readers, the Drowned Man has the full support of the board
Yours Appreciatively,
Sir Hugh Berwick-Stanton.