Good day Punters!! - I raise my Pitching Wedge TO YOU!!.. Ball, Puck and Racket Hounds!!!!
Been a jolly strange week for us fans of an Imperial flutter....!
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| F T Kipling, Sports Journalist and Man about the Strand. |
As a result of those spooky electrical storms (which Menaced the Members Bars of Piccaadilly), most of my fellow Sporting Journos failed to cover this weekends Newmarket Royal Spiv-Races.
More fool them - for they missed quite an upset.
The winning horse in the 12.30 Steeplechase - The Wicklow Twitcher - was disqualifiied post-race after the Trophy Team discovered her Jockey to be (for want of a better description...!) - a diminutive Irish Bog-Corpse!!
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| Disqualified Jockey, Brendan O'Bones |
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Hush Hush subscribers,
SIr Hugh Berwick Stanton discreetly calls
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| Jurgnen Horst's New Secretary!! |
Haha, fooled you didn't I - "whose this pretty young slip of a maid" U thought, as U twirled your moustache! Gufaaaawwww!!, Well it may well been years since I played Cleopatra in the Harrow Junior Footlights, but I can still cut a coy curtsy when Nation and Honour call!!
Have I not blown my ingenious charade with this intemperate disclosure you retort?
...once step ahead of U my friend...no shall i say a dozen steps!!
Thanks 2 the surreptitious efforts of the Bletchley Code Team, I am able 2 secret this message into your Tuesday Sports Supplement.
How U ask. And Why? Both questions 2 be answered forthwith...
First, what the devil is going on with this Shakepsearean Blouse Swapping Pantomime?
A Patriotic attempt to save the Empire from certain destruction by the evil Hun!!! is the swift answer.
After lying comatose in agony for two whole days following my savage expulsion from Fleet Street, (tended to by the devoted Emilia)..I managed to recover somewhat only when the twisted Doctor Penrose absented himself from my bedside to visit his saucy neighbour Abigail ---------.
It was brave Emilia, who then discovered that the scrawny cove had been secreting Laburnam drops into my tea!! I was poisoned by my own doctor! Gadzooks!
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| The Loyal Emilia was also expelled from Fleet Street! |
How deep did this conspiracy against me lie? Were my coal-scuttler and stable-boy also involved? I could trust only the saintly Emilia, until recently the finest typist in Fleet Street!
Hold on Bletchley say I need to cut the transcript. their cunning code can sustain secrecy for only a few minutes!!
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...Gosh must have dozed off after my brnady, anwyay this Jolly Journo has meetings to make and farthings to flutter. so till next Tuesday...
Toodle pip Imperial punters!!
Cover drive for Four!!!!
F. T. Kipling, Sports journalist and Man about the Strand
My goodness, what a terrible wrong has been done to Sir Hugh! Poisoned by the not-so-good Doctor Penrose! I do hope that Sir Hugh is able to seek retribution on those who turned him out of Pickwick Publishing.
ReplyDeleteEmilia writes: thankyou for your kind words faithful reader. Do not worry, Sir Hugh has secret friends and admirers who will - in time - reveal themselves and rain righteous vengeance upon those women-hating, unpatriotic jackals at Pickman Publishing.
ReplyDelete