The Drunken imbecile tried to light my pipe wholly forgetting he now possesses flippers for hands!! The smoking pipe fell to the floor and swiftly ignited my favourite Afghan socks... the only keepsake I have from the dreadful siege of Kandahar!
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| Anarchy follows the Drunken Exploits of a Sea-Tusker... |
To add fuel to the fire - literally - the Scottish Sea-Mammal, used a flipper to toss his water dish onto the flaming footwear...
Surely the water would extinguish the fire you exclaim!
What the inebriated Tusker failed to recall was that just minutes earlier he had filched 3 weeks of Coolie Rum Ration and poured it into his bucket sized water receptacle...
The socks, my pyjamas, the Persian rug all went up in flame!!!
It was like the Burning of Byzantium re-enacted by an Intoxicated Toothy Sea-Jock!!!
The Quality of Service rendered by this whisky sodden domestic has - in all honesty - been deteriorating for years now...but even by his appalling standards this was a new low..
....To be Continued.
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